Gumby gone stoner
by Tainted89
Summary: Gumby is a psycho, and now he's on pot.
1. Default Chapter

Gumby gone stoner [Chapter one]  
  
As we all know, the little green clay- motion dude named Gumby has some serious issues. Gumby has his weird friends, Pokey, Prickle and Goo, and his weird enemies, the blockheads. His parents. Gumbo and Gumba. I ate 'em for dinner. * laughs evilly * Gumby has gone to the moon, and Gumby has gone into other weird situations (in which I can't remember cuz it's been so long). Are you still staring at me b/c I ate his parents for dinner? What's the big deal? I was famished.. "Pokey, you retarded, lazy, fetid piece of crap, get your little crimson [expletive] over here!", Gumby hissed. Gumby has transformed into a lazy, skinny, little string bean, with darkened eyes and a permanent frown. Not surprised. "jeez, Gumby, you lazy [expletive], do it yourself for once!", Pokey screamed with his faggot-like little voice. Pokey glared at Gumby. "I'm your master, you [expletive] head, so get over here", Gumby said evilly. Don't you remember? Gumby IS Pokey's master. I mean, after Pokey followed Gumby around like a little dog, you gotta wonder . did that children's show have some sick, perverted subliminal messages? "I've been your slave for thirty years, you dumb[expletive]", Pokey scolded, "Now it's my turn!". Pokey kicked Gumby in the rubbery green face with his little red back legs. "Gimme that!", Pokey grabbed Gumby's joint. Pokey heard a little tap at the door. "ANSWER THE DOOR, YOU LAZY [expletive]ER!", Pokey screamed. Gumby struggled to get up from his little black clay chair, tripping over his little stubby green feet (jeez, he looks as though he has cankles.). Gumby staggered his way to the little white clay door and reached for the doorknob, slowly opening the door. "What do you want?", Gumby hissed at Goo. "Jeez, Gumby", Goo snapped, "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the dope ring". Gumby glared at Goo. "Gumby, be NICE", Pokey said. "SHUT THE [expletive] UP, YOU STUPID HORSE.", Gumby boomed. Goo smacked Gumby in the face with her little pilot's hat. "You better clean up that mouth", Goo hissed and floated away. Yes, Goo floats. she's a little blue chunk of clay with a little pilot's hat. She gets around by floating. ( I wonder why.. ) Studies show that Goo is on helium. HELIUM .. Pokey snickered. "What's so funny, horseboy?", Gumby slammed the door. "aw, nothing", Pokey giggled. "You're such a fag..", Gumby sighed and walked away into the bathroom. Pokey continued to smoke pot .. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "uh, Gumby.", Pokey raised an eyebrow, "what the heck is this?". "It's soup", Gumby snapped, "Just put your little red face in the bowl and eat". Pokey sneered at the nasty, disgusting bowl of soup. It was breathing (yes, breathing. it was literally breathing..) and it had fragments of weird and nasty things in it, like deranged noodles and weird chunks of something he couldn't identify. "Not til you tell me what's inside", Pokey said, defiant. "Just eat it", Gumby whined. Pokey choked down a bowl of the fetid soup, faking smiles and holding down vomit. Gumby didn't eat a thing. He just watched Pokey in anticipation, snickering and smiling evilly. Pokey finished, and flopped his head on the table, nauseated. "What was IN that soup?" Pokey moaned. "Goo", Gumby laughed sinisterly. Pokey nearly died. "You put g-g-g-oo in the SOUP?", Pokey held down vomit. "omigod". Gumby turned around and picked up Goo's hat up off the counter. Pokey couldn't believe it.. he just ATE his long-time friend Goo, and digested her too. "Why, Gumby?", Pokey choked. "All good things must come to an end", Gumby crooned , "And I didn't want her telling me what to do .. Any longer". Pokey passed out.  
  
[*READ CHAPTER 2 FOR MORE PSYCHOTIC GUMBY ANTICS*] 


	2. Gumby Gone Stoner chapter 2

Gumby gone stoner [Chapter two] By Tainted89  
  
"Mary had a little lamb, little cow, little beaver", Gumby sang, stoned. He laughed like there was no tomorrow. "Mary mack, dressed in black, stole my crack..", he hissed to himself. He waved around a butter knife and scraped out the last of the peanut butter. "Pokey! Hurry it up a little, I got the MUNCHIES!", he cried. He'd sent Pokey to go make him a sandwich. "It might be a little sloppy, but I don't have any hands", Pokey said timidly. Pokey held up the sandwich and Gumby ate the whole thing in one bite, biting off Pokey's hoof while he ate. Pokey screamed and bled all over. "Oww, oww, oww", he screamed. [like a girl] Gumby laughed and shook his head like a dog, Pokey's little red hoof still in the clay jaws of a very high Gumby. Gumby started to foam at the mouth. Pokey started to cry. "I hate you, Gumby, you sick [expletive] ". Pokey bit Gumby's twitching leg, and wouldn't let go. "Die, Gumby, Die!", he screamed, kicking Gumby in the face and trying to rip his leg off. Finally, Gumby's leg tore off and Pokey flew across the room. Gumby's leg was still twitching. Pokey foamed at the mouth and lunged towards Gumby, wanting to rip off more. "Pokey, you retarded horse!", Gumby cried, "Knock it off!". "You ripped off my hoof", Pokey hissed evilly, "Now I'm gonna rip off your head." Gumby screamed like a little baby girl. There was a little knock at the door. Gumby tripped over his chair and his stubby green feet and ran to answer it. "Gumby!", Prickle laughed, "What's up? Jeez, you're screamin' like someone's gonna kill you". Pokey came up behind Gumby and chomped on to his behind. "Oww!", Gumby cried, his dilated eyes watering in pain. Prickle just laughed. Gumby miserably lifted one little green hand and smacked Prickle square in his prickly yellow face. "It's NOT funny", Gumby hissed, then shoved out a pouty lip, "it hurts". Gumby started to cry. [I wonder why. unless you don't know, pot can be mind altering] Pokey bit Gumby's big green caboose off, and shook his horse-like red head, splattering black blood everywhere. "Why're you so violent today, pokey?", Prickle asked, raising an eyebrow. Pokey just smiled a toothless smile and laughed evilly. Then, his black mane began to fall out, and his tail fell off. His body began to morph, and his head turned square. He stood upright just like Gumby, and it was clear that Pokey wasn't Pokey. This Pokey was a blockhead. [So what happened to Pokey, you might ask? And you might also ask where this blockhead's partner in crime is, and incase you're wondering. Goo is still dead and is inside the imposter] The blockhead laughed and licked his clay, flat lips as he stopped foaming at the mouth. "I've always wanted to be Pokey, and I've always wanted to eat Goo", he laughed. [This is strange, because, usually, blockheads don't talk.nope, not a single solitary word. I bet you're shocked.] Prickle looked the other way. He didn't want to ask. Gumby giggled, and ripped off his skin, morphing into yet another blockhead. Prickle nearly crapped himself. He tried to run away, but one of the blockheads [the one that faked a Pokey act] dragged out a lasso [from no where] and caught Prickle right on the spot. "where's Pokey and Gumby? And where in god's name is Goo?", Prickle choked, the lasso cutting off circulation from his little yellow body. "Oh, you'll see them soon", Gumby [the imposter blockhead] laughed. "Yea", the other said, "just not Goo". Prickle wanted to know where Goo was. "Where's Goo?", he asked. "We ate her for dinner", Pokey [the imposter] said. [that sounds really bad, but they literally ate her for dinner, if you remember] "Please...let...go", Prickle gasped for air. "we will when we get to the lair", Pokey [the imposter] laughed.  
  
[READ CHAPTER 3 FOR THE ENCHANTED AND DEADLY LAIR] 


	3. Gumby gone stoner chapter 3

Gumby gone stoner [Chapter three] By Tainted89  
  
The blockheads had dragged Prickle to their lair. Prickle kicked and squirmed to get out of the lasso's grasp. Gumby was sitting tied to a wooden chair, with his head in his lap [decapitation. that's how it got there]. Pokey was being held down by a rather large pitchfork through his abdomen, and his three legs were up in the air, the fourth leg jammed in his big horse mouth. Prickle actually crapped himself this time. He was so scared, so shocked, so .... incredibly FOOLED! One of the blockheads laughed. "They're only mannequins!", blockhead 1 laughed. [let's call them blockhead one and blockhead 2 from now on] Prickle felt foolish and scared, still wondering where his friends were. "yes, they're only models to show you what we're gonna do before we put you all in the giant meat blender", #2 snickered. Prickle wet himself. [I bet you're wondering WHY Prickle keeps having bowel and bladder problems. he's on some serious meds for it, but he always takes more than he should. And it doesn't really matter to Prickle because he runs around naked anyway. Why? Because he literally has nothing to hide, and if he did, no one would notice anyway] "meat blender?", Prickle wanted to throw up, "that is the grossest thing I have ever heard in my life". The blockheads laughed hysterically. [There's only two explanations as to why they keep laughing like that. 1) Cuz they're high 2) Cuz they're really really evil.. my guess is that they're really high..] "what are you going to do once we're blended?", Prickle asked, trying to make conversation. "We're gonna feed you to our army so they can eat the rest of the world", #1 giggled psychotically. Prickle twitched and took a pain killer. "it would be in your best interest to do whatever you're gonna do before you die", #2 hissed. "oh yea?", Prickle glared, "I'm gonna go find my friends!". Prickle turned into a puddle of yellow water and split in half. The other half morphed into a little yellow camode, and Prickle flushed himself. [I know, it sounds incredibly sick, but c'mon, it's so obvious you've always wanted to see him do it!] The blockheads looked around, dumbfounded. MEANWHILE. Gumby and Pokey were sitting in a dark room with a camode, a sink, and three chairs. They were locked in, but fortunately, Prickle found his way through the septic system, making his way through the camode in the dark room, and back into himself. "Prickly!" Gumby laughed and clapped his little green hands. "hi", Pokey laughed, drool dripping down his face. "uhh.. Gumby? Pokey?", Prickle didn't wanna ask. "Yes, Prickly-head?", Gumby giggled. "have you by any chance turned the other cheek?", Prickle bit his tongue. "No, Prickly-doo-dah!", Gumby snickered, "I'm not gay!". Pokey slurped up his drool. "I am", he laughed retardedly. [What? You didn't know Pokey was gay? Well, just look at the circumstances. He talks like a girl, he has no interest in Goo whatsoever, and he is always following Gumby around like some little lost girl. It's so obvious, and I can't believe you didn't figure it out first.] Prickle grimaced. [he's just thinkin' 'eew!'.. it's okay, Prickle, gay people scare me too * GAG * ] Pokey just kept laughing like a retard. [Incase you're wondering, Pokey and Gumby are on morphine, so that's why they're so retarded. Gumby is only sweet-talking Prickle for that reason also, Gumby is not gay, and I'm sure Goo would tell you if she was only alive] ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The three friends [lovers?] were tied together and hovered over a giant meat blender. The blockheads decided to blend them first. Gumby noticed that one of the blockheads was wearing Goo's pilot's cap.  
  
[READ CHAPTER 4 TO FIND OUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO GOO] 


	4. Gumby gone stoner chapter 4

Gumby gone stoner [Chapter four] By Tainted89  
  
The blockhead wearing Goo's cap was smiling, but not in an evil way, and he waited for his partner to come into the chamber. He then evilly pushed #2 into the giant blender. He blended, a huge scarlet mess, staining the interiour of the huge blender. #1 began to tear at his skin, and underneath, he was blue. He then morphed down into a little gob of blue clay, situating the hat just right. He put his hand into his face and pulled out a fully decorated, pretty face. Gumby's face lit up. "Goober!", he cried. "Omigod!", Prickle wet himself again. Pokey just laughed retardedly. Goo stopped the blender. [this is rather confusing, eh? First it was Pokey, then blockhead 1, now Goo? You'll find out how it works, and how Goo was digested and stuff like that] "Happy Birthday, Gumby", she laughed. "Can you just get us down?", Prickle was sweating and nervous. "Hey, I felt that!", Pokey cried, "You whizzed on me again!". [Here's the scene::::: Pokey and Gumby were originally kidnapped by the blockheads while they were high. The blockheads then tried to kidnap Goo, but she created a double of herself and they took the double for dinner. The double was poisoned, and it killed one of the blockheads. She took over his body, and the other blockhead didn't realize it. Before all that, the blockheads had morphed into Gumby and Pokey to distract and trick Goo and Prickle, but Goo was all too clever. That's how it worked out so well.] "Yea, sure", Goo said cheerfully, lowering the three to safety., "and in order to celebrate your birthday, Gumby, here is an entire bag of angel dust. all yours". Prickle nearly died. "Those are illegal!", he hissed. [there's something you should know about Prickle. he's a goody-two-shoes freak, but he's still straight so don't get the wrong idea] "Who cares?", Gumby said, ripping off some of his skin and morphing it into a straw. [Gumby can do anything, just like the theme song says] Gumby snorted every last bit, and began to twitch. Goo gasped. "oops.. I shouldn't have mixed morphine with pot". Prickle giggled furtively. "Why not", he said, " I do". [okay, so he's not such a goody two shoes after all. He's on every medication from Advair to Zoloft] Gumby eventually died, and they threw him in the blender. Pokey eventually jumped in, claiming he could fly, and Goo and Prickle got married. They'd used the goop that Pokey, the blockhead, and Gumby had made with their blended body to create furniture and a new house. [sounds messed up, but Prickle got Goo hooked on drugs and they eventually named their kids Goober and Sprocket]  
  
~*~*THE END*~*~ 


End file.
